Teaching kids emotional regulation skills is essential, both for their future well-being and for the success of your early childhood programs. Children who learn effective emotional regulation strategies are better equipped for whatever life may throw at them. Encouraging effective co-regulation in your program ensures a positive environment for children as well as childcare providers and staff. Below are five easy-to-implement techniques that can help guide children through big emotions.
1. Active Listening
Active listening involves hearing someone with your full focus and responding in ways that demonstrate they have your care and attention. Listening actively when a child is upset shows that you value their feelings. If a child feels heard when they express an issue, they are more likely to communicate an emotion or a problem. When children feel dismissed or unheard, their emotions and behaviors may escalate.
Practice active listening with eye contact, nodding, patience, and gentle encouragement as children share their thoughts.
Active Listening Tips:
- Get to the child’s eye level to help create a sense of security and comfort.
- Use simple phrases like, “I’m here to listen,” or “I want to hear about your feelings. Please tell me more.”
- Use simple questions or prompts to get children to think about and express their feelings.
Example Scenario:
Mateo, a six-year-old, becomes frustrated during an arts activity and starts to cry. Instead of rushing to simply soothe the child, take a moment to sit beside him, make eye contact, and say, “I can see you’re upset. I’m here to listen. What is upsetting you right now?” A young child may struggle to express why they are upset, but patient, active listening can encourage them to keep trying. You might ask, “Mateo, can you point to what is making you upset?”
Eventually, Mateo makes clear that he’s having a hard time cutting shapes, and it is frustrating him that his lines aren’t as neat as others’. Let Mateo know that it’s normal to feel impatient sometimes when learning something new and that it’s ok to struggle with some things. Practicing difficult skills is how you get better.
2. Validating Emotions
Let children know that all emotions — even difficult ones — are normal. This sends a powerful message that it’s safe to express how they feel, and that even strong emotions don’t have to be alarming. This further encourages children to express their feelings more calmly.
Emotional Validation Tips:
- Acknowledge the expression of emotion by stating it plainly: “I see you’re crying.”
- Avoid language that dismisses or downplays their feelings, such as “You’re overreacting” or “You’re being sensitive.”
- Empathize and guide where appropriate: “I get sad too. Sometimes it helps me to talk with a friend or try to understand my feelings.”
Example Scenario:
Olivia is upset because she wants to play with a toy that Mila is using. Instead of telling Olivia to just “be patient” or “wait her turn,” you could say, “It can feel really hard to wait for something that you’re excited about; I know that’s a tough feeling,” before talking about the value of sharing or offering an alternative.
3. Labeling Feelings
Putting names to emotions can help children better understand and communicate what they’re experiencing. This is particularly helpful for kids who have difficulty expressing themselves verbally.
Tips for Labeling Feelings:
- Use visuals like an “emotion chart” with simple pictures and words (e.g., “happy,” “sad,” “worried,” “excited”). You can even start the day by going through the chart and having kids show which emotions they are feeling.
- Encourage children to identify a feeling when they begin to show signs of distress or excitement.
- Use stories and discussions to teach children how to recognize and talk about emotions. Talk about how a character might have felt when something happened, or how the children felt during a certain part of the story.
Example Scenario:
While a group is playing, you notice Liam looking upset and not talking to any of his peers. You might say, “Hey, I noticed you sitting by yourself. What’s going on? Do you want to look at the emotion chart and pick which is closest to how you feel right now?” Once Liam has indicated how he is feeling, you can validate his emotions and start a conversation.
4. Modeling a Calm Demeanor
Children learn a great deal by observing adults. If you remain calm and use gentle communication during tense moments, kids are more likely to mimic that behavior. This helps children develop strong emotional regulation skills, fostering better mental health, healthier relationships, and long-term resilience in managing stress.
Calm Demeanor Tips:
- Practice deep breathing or mindfulness techniques in front of the children.
- Use a calm, even tone of voice, even when you’re frustrated.
- Calmly validate and label your own emotions, practicing empathy for yourself.
Example Scenario:
While introducing an activity to the group, Ava interrupts multiple times and tries to distract others in the room. Your first reaction might be to raise your voice or express aggravation. Instead, pause for a quick breath, remain calm, and explain to Ava that interrupting others while they are speaking is not in line with the classroom rules of showing respect to one another and listening when others talk.
Explain to Ava that if she wants people to listen to her when she speaks, it is important to demonstrate similar behavior with others. You can then ask her if there is a comment she’d like to make, or provide a reminder that there will be a time for questions and comments at the end.
5. Creating a Safe Space
A designated calm or cozy area helps children regulate when they feel overwhelmed. This could be a quiet corner with cushions, soft lighting, and calming visuals.
Tips for Creating a Safe Space:
- Stock the space with sensory items such as stress balls and fidget toys. Include physical comforts like blankets and cushions.
- Encourage children to use the space whenever they need a break, rather than seeing it as a “time-out.”
Example Scenario:
During a busy open play period, Caden starts to seem overstimulated and frustrated by all the noise and movement. You might sit down nearby and say, “Caden, how are you feeling? Do you want to relax in the ‘calm corner’ for a little bit? You can read a book or just sit in the blankets and pillows if you’d like.” Framing it as a question empowers Caden to think about what will best help him, and it encourages him to respond similarly to big emotions in the future.
Implementing these co-regulation strategies can help all children find healthy ways to manage big emotions. By teaching kids emotional regulation skills, you’re setting the stage for an emotionally supportive environment in your program. More than that, you’re setting children up for a lifetime of healthy emotional navigation, an invaluable advantage in childhood and adulthood alike.
To learn more, enroll in course one of our Self-Regulation Series on KIT Academy. Not a KIT Academy user? Subscribe now for access to a diverse library of courses, with topics ranging from inclusion basics, disability laws and compliance, autism, ADHD, learning disabilities, and providing accommodations to increasing staff confidence, distinguishing between challenging or unsafe behaviors, leadership development, communicating with families, bullying, and much more.
